Arrrr, me synapses are stuffed with cotton and glue!

Fetch me the icepick from the galley, ya keelworm, and soak a rag with rum! I've got to crack a hole in me skull before the dogs of idiopathic intracranial hypertension sup on the backs of me swollen eyeballs! And be quick about it, ya bow-legged black-toothed bastard, afore I bear down and spray you with cerebrospinal fluid from my ears!