ALL DAIRY PRODUCTS WILL COME UNTO ME THAT I MAY POSSESS AND INGEST THEM.
I AM LORD OF ALL FERMENTABLE THINGS!
ALL WHEELS, WEDGES, RONDELLES, AND TUBS OF NATURALLY-DERIVED OR PROCESSED CHEESE FOODS ARE FULLY WITHIN MY DOMINION, YEA, FOR I AM THEIR MASTER, AND UNTO ME THEY WILL MAKE SACRIFICES OF THEMSELVES, FOR THEY ARE WORTHY OF MY DIGESTION; AND BEFORE ME THEY WILL MAKE OBEISEANCE, FOR THEY ARE DAIRY.
BUT TAKE THOU THY CHEEZ-WHIZ FROM THIS PLACE, FOR IT IS NASTY IN MY SIGHT, AND USE IT INSTEAD TO SEAL THE HULLS OF YOUR BOATS, REPAIR BROKEN WINDOW GLAZING, AND CURE THE CONSTIPATION OF YOUR WIVES AND CONCUBINES.
AND SO ON. DON'T FORGET TO WRITE ALL THIS DOWN AND STORE IT IN A DRY CAVE SOMEPLACE. IN A FEW THOUSAND YEARS, IT'LL REALLY PISS OFF THE ORTHODOX.
I AM LORD OF ALL FERMENTABLE THINGS!
ALL WHEELS, WEDGES, RONDELLES, AND TUBS OF NATURALLY-DERIVED OR PROCESSED CHEESE FOODS ARE FULLY WITHIN MY DOMINION, YEA, FOR I AM THEIR MASTER, AND UNTO ME THEY WILL MAKE SACRIFICES OF THEMSELVES, FOR THEY ARE WORTHY OF MY DIGESTION; AND BEFORE ME THEY WILL MAKE OBEISEANCE, FOR THEY ARE DAIRY.
BUT TAKE THOU THY CHEEZ-WHIZ FROM THIS PLACE, FOR IT IS NASTY IN MY SIGHT, AND USE IT INSTEAD TO SEAL THE HULLS OF YOUR BOATS, REPAIR BROKEN WINDOW GLAZING, AND CURE THE CONSTIPATION OF YOUR WIVES AND CONCUBINES.
AND SO ON. DON'T FORGET TO WRITE ALL THIS DOWN AND STORE IT IN A DRY CAVE SOMEPLACE. IN A FEW THOUSAND YEARS, IT'LL REALLY PISS OFF THE ORTHODOX.
--Gospel of Philip the Cobbler, 2:1
Hilarious. Should have sent this to Yankee Pot Roast.
Capital idea! I do believe I have many silly things that might belong there.
They're certainly not doing anyone any good here.