Holy crap, it's Thursday Friday Saturday

I kind of lost track of the days this year week. That happens from time to time, especially when you are discipline- and habit-challenged, like I am, or imprisoned in a pit with a grate over it. The endless variety of not doing anything on a regular basis is apparently something my bucket o’ neurons requires. Which can be bad news for productivity. Sometimes I wish my creative output was more performance-art oriented…one-off efforts in DUMBO gallery spaces, covered with liquid latex, surrounded by inflatable furniture and dayglo-painted hamsters…ah, that would suit my on-again off-again muse! But no, I pick a creative outlet that actually requires steady focus to progress. That’s always been my way, in some respects: pick the difficult thing. When I decided to learn hoe to play guitar, I bought a twelve-string. I’m kind of stupidly ambitious that way, addicted to learning curves that resemble vertical walls.

Oscar Wilde supposedly said that in every first novel, the hero is the author as Christ or Faust. My freshman effort is in first person, so I suppose the risk of self-portrayal is higher. What I've discovered, though, is that when the writing gets swampy--slow, difficult to move through, full of mosquitoes and reptiles and banjo players--it's because I've fallen out of voice, and am writing as myself instead of my protagonist. This is a bad thing, because my protagonist is much more clever and interesting than I am.

It's much like acting, which I've done a bit of here and there: you don't have to share the experiences of a character in order to portray him, but you have to be able to make choices that will convince the audience that the character's experience is genuine. With a stage or film performance, that's all about subtext, physical interpretation, diction, and timing. Writing is the equivalent of taking on the role of actor, director, camera man, lighting, special effects, crew, and supporting cast. In some ways I've made it easier for myself because the bulk of the work is expressed through the viewpoint of a single character. But this means that the whole enterprise stands or falls or the consistency and believability of voice. If I fuck up, just once, and the reader gets hit between the eyes with the realization that I'm not a hedonistic genius living in a mid-21st-century New York on the brink of apocalypse, the spell is broken.

No pressure, though. All good. Not worried. Eeeeverything's under control.