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    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2008-04-26://1</id>
    <updated>2010-07-17T18:38:40Z</updated>
    
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<entry>
    <title>Well, I know what to make of it</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/07/well-i-know-what-to-make-of-it.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.318</id>

    <published>2010-07-16T12:33:15Z</published>
    <updated>2010-07-17T18:38:40Z</updated>

    <summary>Over at Sully&apos;s place, Patrick Appel is puzzled by Christian Rudder&apos;s contention that 80% of the OK Cupid users who identify as bisexual are really only interested in one gender, based on the number of messages that such users send...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[Over at Sully's place, Patrick Appel <a href="http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2010/07/chart-of-the-day-4.html">is puzzled</a> by Christian Rudder's <a href="http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/07/07/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/">contention</a> that 80% of the OK Cupid users who identify as bisexual are really only interested in one gender, based on the number of messages that such users send to one gender or the other.<br /><br /><blockquote>OkCupid is a gay- and bi-friendly place and it's not our intention here 
to call into question anyone's sexual identity. But when we looked into 
messaging trends by sexuality, we were very surprised at what we found. 
People who describe themselves as bisexual overwhelmingly message either
 one sex or the other, not both as you might expect. <br /><br />[...]<br /><br />This suggests that bisexuality is often either a hedge for gay people or
 a label adopted by straights to appear more sexually adventurous to 
their (straight) matches.<br /></blockquote>Actually, what it suggests is an unrealistically rigid expectation of what a sexual preference categorization actually indicates. "Bisexual" does not indicate a 50/50 preference split. It does not indicate an absence of preference. It is not a constant.<br /><br />I get irritated by people who create their own definitions and then accuse other people of lying when they don't fit into the categories they've invented. And yes, that's exactly what Rudder is doing--the title of his post is "The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating." For someone who claims that it's not their "intention here 
to call into question anyone's sexual identity," he's certainly done a piss-poor job of not calling anyone's sexual identity into question.<br /><br />The implied argument is an expression of ignorance. The assumption is that if someone is not messaging to both male and female OK Cupid user at a given level of frequency, they're not "really" bisexual.<br /><br />Suppose I only use OK Cupid for seeking online dates with women? Suppose, if I'm in the mood for a bit of man-to-man, I have other sites I use--say, a site <i>specifically</i> for same-sex contact? Furthermore, the underlying assumption that bisexuality is a fixed value is ridiculous. If I haven't been on a date with a man in five years, does that mean my bisexuality membership has expired? If I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman, does that mean I'm all paid up on my straight club fees?<br /><br />This sort of crap is why I don't really lay claim to any of the three Officially Sanctioned Preferences™. Each one is loaded with its own social baggage, none of which matches, and none of which belongs to me. This isn't my attempt to adopt some kind of more-exotic-than-thou persona. Some people are perfectly happy trading on the sexual misconceptions of others, which is its own sort of delicious little game, but I've run out of patience for that sort of thing. There's always someone on either side of the fence--or directly astride it--who thinks that they've got The Way Things Are all figured out, and who will want to put you in one of their three little boxes.<br /><br />I'll sort myself out, thanks very much.<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Callooh! Callay!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/07/callooh-callay.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.317</id>

    <published>2010-07-11T06:41:07Z</published>
    <updated>2010-07-16T17:22:31Z</updated>

    <summary>Okay, so it&apos;s not the end of The Book (hence the absence of &quot;frabjous day&quot;) but it is the end of the first round of revisions, and that I am quite happy about indeed. In the process I added thirteen...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[Okay, so it's not the end of The Book (hence the absence of "frabjous day") but it <i>is </i>the end of the first round of revisions, and that I am quite happy about indeed. In the process I added thirteen new manuscript pages. Seven percent new stuff! That is a fine New Stuff Rate, and I can say that because I own the New Stuff Rate algorithm.<br /><br />Now I am once again in the territory of writing all new stuff, a 100% New Stuff Rate for those playing the home game, roughly five chapter's worth, or 15,000 words if you want to think of it that way. Part of the reason I stopped writing new stuff and started retyping the entire existing manuscript was because I wanted to immerse myself in The Show So Far. It's easy to forget the little things in Chapter Five when you're barreling through Chapter Twenty-Two, especially if you haven't quite mastered the Ass In The Chair Every Day style of writing-fu.<br /><br />That said: I don't think I want to do it this way again. Too haphazard. I think, for the Next Book, there will be a) more of an outline, and b) more Ass In The Chair more frequently. This stop-and-go nonsense results in writerly whiplash. And my thinking is, the more consistently you spend time in the world of your Book, the less need there is to stop everything and retype the manuscript to get that whole immersion thing going.<br /><br />Part of that, too, has to do with keeping the head screwed on securely (notice I did not say "straight;" it can be crooked, but it has to <i>stay on</i>). So much of the first book--and thank whatever culturally constructed fiction deserves thanks for such things that there will never be another first book--is spent neck-deep in uncertainty. I still have no idea what the end result of all of this will be, but at least when I start on the second book I'll know how the first one turned out, so I will have just that much less uncertainty to deal with. Even so: any amount of uncertainty is more difficult to deal with when the head is wobbling all over the place. External factors impede the progress of the Art, you see. So if Art is the priority, it then behooves one to make sure that the wobbly-headedness is minimized, and that means doing mundane things like eating properly and exercising and drinking the correct amount and avoiding soul-crushing depression (unless that's key to your art, in which case, crush away).<br /><br />And that is why I am happy that I got a little package of California roll sushi to eat late this evening, instead of my usual bag of Jack in the Box or pint of ice cream or other foodstuff that fills the synapses with sluggish bad fat. All of that crap makes it so much harder to get the words out, and it also means that the words that you <i>do</i> get out are also sluggish and full of bad fat, so that they require more attention in post-production. Part of the purpose of revision is going back through it all and making it seem like it was written in a single state of authorial intent with the clear genius of consistent devotion! And that process is made more difficult if you're fighting the head-based wobbliness, because then you've got to go through and eliminate the wobbliness that doesn't belong in the story.<br /><br />So! Eat right, write more, know your algorithms.<br /><br /><u><b>LATER</b></u><br /><br />Man, was I punchy when I wrote this.<br />]]>
        
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</entry>

<entry>
    <title>How dare you speak to me of The Crunch! You know nothing of The Crunch. You&apos;ve never even been to The Crunch.</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/07/how-dare-you-speak-to-me-of-th.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.316</id>

    <published>2010-07-08T13:20:27Z</published>
    <updated>2010-07-08T19:25:59Z</updated>

    <summary>Yeah, you heard me. I said that. (Actually, Saboo said that, but I appropriated it which makes it mine.)Crunchy have been my dreams of late! But my fingers remembered their old strength better once they&apos;d grasped my keyboard, so that&apos;s...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[Yeah, you heard me. I said that. (Actually, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_recurring_The_Mighty_Boosh_characters#Saboo">Saboo</a> said that, but I appropriated it which makes it mine.)<br /><br />Crunchy have been my dreams of late! But my fingers remembered their old strength better once they'd grasped my keyboard, so that's what I've been up to. The mighty revision process! More of a proto-revision process, because the first draft of The Book isn't actually finished yet. I'm just revising what I've got (which is 187 pages of manuscript) so that I can write the last five chapters or so knowing that they'll actually match up with the previous twenty-three. I solved the <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/its-quiet-too-quiet.html">broken world problem</a> by adding two decades to the timeline. This may turn out to be too much, so I may bump it back to fifteen years or ten. Because I am the master of time and space, God to my characters!<br /><br />They've been behaving, which pleases me, because that means that I've portrayed them with enough depth to really know them. It's a bad time for an author when a character goes flat--they lose direction, then, and wander off to do unpleasant things in the corner. I've come to understand "resistance"--that phenomenon where the story grinds to halt and refuses to be written in a way that feels right and proper--as a problem of character. If things aren't going well, look first to the members of your cast, and find the one who's not well drawn and three-dimensional. If they're all nicely rounded, then identify the one that's being forced to do something out of character. And if everybody's got depth and is doing what they'd naturally do, then perhaps you don't have enough conflict for a story. Have them start hitting each other with sticks until something presents itself.<br /><br />The routine itself isn't particularly interesting: put thirty pages of manuscript in the manuscript stand, commence typing, pause occasionally to chew on a particular word or phrase, and--even more rarely--enjoy the opportunity to rewrite an entire scene or add a new one. So far I've added about seven new pages out of 157 or so, scattered throughout the story in various paragraphs and sentences. I think it's working, but I'm looking forward to finishing this part of it and getting on with the final wrap-up. It's new territory, for me: The End. I wonder what it will be like...whether I'll have pure satisfaction, or experience the terror of The Suck, or some combination of the two.<br /><br />I'll let you know when I get there.<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Behold, the bald-headed man who had no oil has become the owner of jars of sweet myrrh.</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/07/behold-the-baldheaded-man-who.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2008://1.79</id>

    <published>2010-07-02T07:22:43Z</published>
    <updated>2010-07-02T18:46:58Z</updated>

    <summary>So admonished Ipu-wer some 4,200 years ago. Nobody knows much of anything about him, except that at some point he spouted off a bunch of such things, prophecies in the Biblical sense, which means they&apos;re not so much about the...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[So admonished Ipu-wer some 4,200 years ago. Nobody knows much of anything about him, except that at some point he spouted off a bunch of such things, prophecies in the Biblical sense, which means they're not so much about the future as about one fellow standing before Pharaoh and saying nasty things about the past and present governance of Egypt. All cloaked in metaphors about sinking crocodiles, Rivers of blood, grieving nobles, and fumigation via incense. The last two columns of the papyrus--described by the translator as being in a state of "lamentable destruction"--tantalize us with the words, "Once upon a time there was a man who was old and in the presence of his salvation, while his son was still a child, without understanding..."<br /><br />Actually, that's not very tantalizing at all, but that's all we get. Nothing else is heard from Ipu-wer. I wonder if, in his own time, he was held in the same regard as the tentative prophet in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/"><i>Life of Brian</i></a>, who prophesied that "At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young
shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their
fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock."<br /><br />"Ipu-wer?" they'd say. "Was that the guy who went on about men sitting in bushes and robbing people, and about how the go-spells and enfold-spells don't work anymore because nowadays any old tosser can say them aloud? Pfah!" Who knows? Maybe all the good material was in missing bits of the papyrus. Maybe all that stuff about not having enough cedar for the mummies was just Ipu-wer warming up, a prophetic throat-clearing before he laid into Pharaoh with raging holy fervor and let everyone know that the gods were really displeased with his corpse-buggery or whatever it was that Middle Kingdom Egyptians found scandalous.<br /><br />But now all we've got left of him are a few columns of unremarkable cryptic metaphor and stories that defy consecutive translation, barely enough to warrant a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ipuwer_Papyrus">Wikipedia entry</a>, and really only noticed at all because some of his scribblings might possibly refer to a small group of wandering Semites whose own collected prophecies and tales later became part of the best-selling book of all time.<br /><br />I suppose the lesson here, if any, is that if you can't write your own deathless prose, write about somebody else who's bound to be fabulous and important so that you might at least survive as a minor point of interest appended to their fantastically dramatic and splendid life.<br /><br />Here's to the Ipu-wers of present-day Earth! May you lot of hangers-on choose your subjects with care and diligence, and may the inevitable loss of most of your work be described in a footnote as "lamentable."&nbsp; <br /> ]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Greetings in the name of He With The Healthy Pantaloons!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/greetings-in-the-name-of-he-wi.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.315</id>

    <published>2010-06-29T07:18:38Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-29T05:22:05Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[There is now no reason to be fearful, because He of the Holy Wealth &amp; Hellfare Department is come in a big ship of light bearing hundreds of pairs of black sneakers. Look, it's on the flickering box! With a...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[There is now no reason to be fearful, because He of the Holy Wealth &amp; Hellfare Department is come in a big ship of light bearing hundreds of pairs of black sneakers. Look, it's on the flickering box! With a 1-800 number and a website.<br /><br />We are talking some SERIOUS SALVATION here, Saints! This is the kind of offer that only comes oh once every two thousand years or so. Time to jump on board the big MESSIAH SHIP and flitter off to the throneroom of Heaven!<br /><br />god@eternity.com<br /><br />Plus, if you act now, you get this free set of steaknives. They'll cut through a tin can and still slice a theologian like this! and that! and...<i>that!</i><br /><br />But wait--there's more!<br /><br />Yes indeed! Try Judeo-Christianity for thirty days risk-free and receive Islam for only $4.99! Complete your collection and save a Whopping Eighty Percent! It's a small price to pay for COMPLETE COVERAGE. Act now!<br /><font style="font-size: 1.25em;"><br /></font><font style="font-size: 1em;"><i>Quality of experience may vary. The distributor assumes no liability implicit or implied and is not responsible for misinterpretations, wars, sloppy thinking or mistranslation of original supplied texts. Manufacturer's warranty does not cover damage to exterior buildings, the smashing of temples, or the success of an ethnicity. Your results may vary.</i></font><br /><br />But wait--there's more!<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>You&apos;re Not Hungry, You&apos;re Just Naked</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/youre-not-hungry-youre-just-na.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.314</id>

    <published>2010-06-29T02:50:37Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-29T04:48:11Z</updated>

    <summary>Occasionally I have an urge to post nothing but scat.No, not that, you filthy person. You know--Ella Fitzgerald bee-doodly-op-bopping for 32 bars on &quot;It Don&apos;t Mean a Thing.&quot; That kind of scat, hep cat. Skiddly-diddly-oh-no!That sort of thing doesn&apos;t translate...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[Occasionally I have an urge to post nothing but scat.<br /><br />No, not that, you filthy person. You know--Ella Fitzgerald bee-doodly-op-bopping for 32 bars on "It Don't Mean a Thing." <i>That</i> kind of scat, hep cat. Skiddly-diddly-<i>oh</i>-no!<br /><br />That sort of thing doesn't translate well into pixels, though. It's more of an expression of a generally positive and somewhat overflowing creative urge, a sort of writerly, procreative yawp. <i>Meeeee I'm making word-worlds! Thickening plots! Sharpening characters!</i> <i>Bee-deep-bop-oh-whoahh-zaaa!</i><br /><br /><div align="left">See? Doesn't work in print at all, at least, not directly. That energy has to be translated into some kind of coherence, confined within the tale. Otherwise it's just 200 pages of someone telling you how creative they are...<br /><i><br />I celebrate my words, and sing my words,<br />And what I write you shall read,<br />For every word belonging to me as good belongs to you.<br />I write and invite my words,<br />I write and type at my ease observing my page of written work...</i><br /><br />See? It's crap, doesn't work at all. Among the worst things you can do as a writer is to be overly impressed with yourself. It makes you lazy, and you'll end up substituting cleverness for storytelling, and saying things like <i>Well you might not be my audience</i> when what's really happened is the reader got to your Big Big Idea and found that it wasn't worth the effort it took to get there.<br /><br />Was that my Big Big Idea for this post? Heavens, it might've been. I'll have to go sit in the corner now and think about what I've done.<br /></div>]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Incidentally</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/incidentally.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.313</id>

    <published>2010-06-25T16:37:50Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-28T01:56:02Z</updated>

    <summary>Parts 1, 2, and 3 of this series-style thing I wrote are also going to be posted on Girls with Insurance, &quot;a magazine focusing on humor, silliness, stilted declarations, sly foxes, fiction, poetry, pop culture, and everything which causes orgasms...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[Parts <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/welcome-to-the-snake-farm-baby.html">1</a>, <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/part-two-boundariesas-an-idea.html">2</a>, and <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/yes-yes-i-hear-you.html">3</a> of this series-style thing I wrote are also going to be posted on <a href="http://girlswithinsurance.com/">Girls with Insurance</a>, "a magazine focusing on humor, silliness, stilted declarations, sly 
foxes, fiction, poetry, pop culture, and everything which causes orgasms
 the world over."<br /><br />Presumably you've read them here, but even if you haven't, do have a look at GwI. I'll just wait here...<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Part Three: Fiction</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/yes-yes-i-hear-you.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.312</id>

    <published>2010-06-25T13:03:04Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-28T01:49:32Z</updated>

    <summary>Yes, yes, I hear you say, that&apos;s all very interesting and you&apos;re a clever chap who uses big words and quotes Aristotle and posts pictures of Simone de Beauvoir&apos;s ass, but what does it mean for the storytelling? (Or, I...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[<span class="mt-enclosure mt-enclosure-image" style="display: inline;"><img alt="oysters_snail.jpg" src="http://www.writebastard.com/images/oysters_snail.jpg" class="mt-image-left" style="margin: 0pt 20px 20px 0pt; float: left;" width="200" height="191" /></span><i>Yes, yes,</i> I hear you say, <i>that's all very interesting and you're a clever chap who uses big words and quotes Aristotle and posts pictures of Simone de Beauvoir's ass, but what does it mean for the </i><i><b>storytelling</b>?</i> (Or, I might be hearing the voices again...mustn't rule that out.) I can only tell you what it means for <i>my </i>storytelling, which is fortunate, because this little solipsistic corner of the web is in fact largely about <i>me</i>.<br /><br />There's a certain kind of character arc that deals with a person who's coming to grips with his own transgressive nature--coming out of the closet, for example. The tale centers on the internal struggle, the external hardships, and, if everything goes well, at the end of it all the character stands revealed as whole, fully clothed in his new personhood.<br /><br />I'm not interested in that kind of story.<br /><br />At one point when I was figuring out my own freakiness it was good to hear tell of others who were doing the same thing, but now that I've got all that settled such stories just don't move me the way they used to. I'm interested in characters who have normalized themselves, who are surrounded by people who've done the same. No tortured internal conflicts about identity, no confronting a hostile world from a place of uncertainty. What I'm interested in are the freaky characters who meet the world from the same solid place of courage and conviction as non-freaky characters. Most of the heroes of contemporary popular fiction don't suffer from questions about their heterosexual white male- or femaleness while they're fighting wizards or making out with vampires. As far as the fundamental facets of their identities go, they're settled. This frees up story space for more important things like spells and fangs and explosions.<br /><br />It also frees up space for extraordinary things to happen to people just because they happen to get caught up in events, rather than because of who they are. A fine example of this is what Joss Whedon did with the character of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tara_Maclay">Tara Maclay</a>. Sure, she was a lesbian, but that was less important than the fact that she was a kick ass witch, and when she got shot and killed, it was because she was in the path of a random bullet that had nothing to do with homophobia. She died a fine and senseless death, just like any of Whedon's other characters might.<br /><br />That's what I'm all about right now: characters for whom their transgressive nature is simply part of who they are, as unremarkable as the most whitebread citizen living in the most ordinary town in all of flyover country.<br /><br />Which sounds dull...until you think about about what polyamorous, bisexual, and transgendered characters who have completely normalized their sexual proclivities might be like. Now, I'm betting--and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong--that most of you aren't rampaging bisexual polyamorist transsexuals who would greet such characters with a profound <i>Meh</i>. These are folks who have made the unusual usual. They're perfectly happy, except insofar as they've got the same problems as anybody else--firebombings, destruction of major cities, living in a surveillance state, that sort of thing.<br /><br />The reason I'm doing this is simple: I've had enough of people being defined by what they do with their genitalia. I'm tired of gay, straight, bisexual, and the whole LGBTQI letter salad. I want to read stories about people who've moved beyond the sexuality-as-identity framework, so that's what I'm writing now.<br /><br />In other words: I want to normalize transgression.<br /><br />Which pretty much means I want to do <i>exactly</i> what the Falwells and Robertsons of the world say The Homosexuals™ want to do with their pernicious agenda.<br /><br />And that amuses me to no end.<br />]]>
        
    </content>
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<entry>
    <title>Part Two: Friendship and Love</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/part-two-boundariesas-an-idea.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.310</id>

    <published>2010-06-23T13:16:01Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-25T04:56:49Z</updated>

    <summary>[Part One is here]As an idea, transgression for transgression&apos;s sake does not resonate in a pleasant way with me, and while I believe that pushing against and breaking sexual boundaries is a thing to be encouraged and celebrated, it seems...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[<span class="mt-enclosure mt-enclosure-image" style="display: inline;"><img alt="simone.jpg" src="http://www.writebastard.com/images/simone.jpg" class="mt-image-left" style="float: left; margin: 0pt 20px 20px 0pt;" width="200" height="248" /></span><font style="font-size: 0.8em;">[<a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/welcome-to-the-snake-farm-baby.html">Part One is here</a>]</font><br /><br />As an idea, transgression for transgression's sake does not resonate in a pleasant way with me, and while I believe that pushing against and breaking sexual boundaries is a thing to be encouraged and celebrated, it seems to me that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.<br /><br />To explore what these ways might be, I turned first to the archetypal transgressor: the Marquis de Sade. As a comparative, there is no greater extreme to be found, and I am aware that my own petty thinking, if not thoroughly examined, leads straight to <a href="http://www.answers.com/topic/120-days-of-sodom">Durcet's château</a>. That's nowhere I want to be, and nowhere I'd want to encourage anyone else to go. But there must be a broad expanse of reason and emotion between the Victorian prude and the murderous libertine, and somewhere on that well-trod ground lies the personal boundary that causes such unpleasant resonance within me.<br /><br />I gathered ideas about the nature of that boundary from Sade's work itself, and from Simone de Beauvoir's essay "Faut-il brûler Sade?" ("<b>Must We Burn Sade</b>?"), first published in <i>Les Temps Modernes</i> in 1951 and 1952. While working towards her final critique of Sade's understanding of the erotic, Beauvoir writes:<br /><br /><blockquote>It has rightly been pointed out that there is never any permanent bond among Sade's libertines, that their relationship involves a constant tension. But the fact that Sade systematically makes selfishness triumph over friendship does not prevent him from endowing friendship with reality. Noirceuil is very careful to let Juliette know that he is interested in her only because of the pleasure he finds in her company; but this pleasure implies a concrete relationship between them. Each feels confirmed within himself by the presence of an alter ego; it is both an absolution and an exaltation. Group debauchery produces genuine communion among Sade's libertines. Each one perceives the meaning of his acts and of his own figure through the minds of the others. I experience my own flesh in the flesh of another; then my fellow creature really exists for me. The shocking fact of coexistence eludes our thinking, but we can dispose of its mystery the way Alexander cut through the Gordian knot: we must set ourselves down in it by acts. "What an enigma is man!&#8212;Yes, my friend, and that's what made a very witty man say that it's better to fuck him than to understand him." Eroticism appears in Sade as a mode of communication, the only valid one. We might say, parodying Claudel, that in Sade "the penis is the shortest path between two hearts."<br /></blockquote>The question asks itself: <i>is</i> eroticism the only valid mode of communication between individuals? Is the erotic, in and of itself, genuine communion? The problem with that idea, Beauvoir writes, is that while Sade's critiques of the abstractions that distract us from the truth about the human condition were undeniably concrete and authentic, they were heavily derived from his own experience. His position of privilege--he <i>was </i>a Marquis, after all--allowed him to project his individual experience onto humanity, and to assume that his solution to his own existential and ethical crisis was the only valid solution for everyone else. The ultimate value of Sade's work, therefore, is not in the answers it provides, but in its ability to disturb us, and to force our re-examination of what she calls, "the basic problem which haunts our age in different forms: the true relation between man and man."<br /><br />The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy takes "Must We Burn Sade?" and places it within the <a href="http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/beauvoir/">larger context of Beauvoir's thought</a>:<br /><br /><blockquote>Centering his life in the erotic, Sade missed the truth of the erotic event. This truth, Beauvoir tells us, can only be found by those who abandon themselves to the risks of emotional intoxication. Living this intoxication we discover the ways in which the body turned flesh dissolves all arguments against the immediacy of our bonds with each other and grounds an ethic of the appeal, risk and mutual vulnerability.<br /></blockquote>"Emotional intoxication," then, is what elevates transgression from the simple smashing of personal and social boundaries into something that approaches transcendence. From this it follows that the transgressive relationship needs to be capable of supporting such intoxication.<br /><br />In <a href="http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus:text:1999.01.0054:bekker%20page=1094a:bekker%20line=1&amp;redirect=true"><i>Nicomachean Ethics</i></a>, Aristotle extensively describes the perfect form of friendship that exists between good people who resemble each other in virtue. He writes, <a href="http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Aristot.+Nic.+Eth.+1156b&amp;fromdoc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0054">in part</a>:<br /><br /><blockquote>Such friendships are of course rare, because such men are few. Moreover they require time and intimacy: as the saying goes, you cannot get to know a man till you have consumed the proverbial amount of salt in his company; and so you cannot admit him to friendship or really be friends, before each has shown the other that he is worthy of friendship and has won his confidence. People who enter into friendly relations quickly have the wish to be friends, but cannot really be friends without being worthy of friendship, and also knowing each other to be so; the wish to be friends is a quick growth, but friendship is not.<br /></blockquote>I would argue that similar qualifications apply to any erotic relationship, but are particularly important in relationships that involve sexual transgression, whether the boundaries crossed are set by society or by the individuals concerned. It is not enough for partners to be self-aware, to have integrity, and to be honest. Transgression is the exploration of a territory that may be entirely new to one or more partners. One partner might lead and another follow, and those roles can switch during the course of the journey. At times, no one will have any idea at all about where they are going, and therefore each must be worthy of the other's trust, and each must know that the other is worthy. This implies a form of partnership that transcends the boundaries of an individual's isolated virtue.<br /><br />Aristotle's Greek does a much finer job of expressing this. But there are clumsy English words for that kind of worthiness. "Friendship" is one. "Love" is another. True transgression without either of those frameworks in place feels like exploitation to me. Therefore, it seems to me that the key differentiator between transgression as simple license and 
transgression as freedom can be found within the quality of the 
relationship as expressed and experienced by the people living in it.<br /><br /><b><u>Next: Fiction<br /></u><br /></b> ]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Welcome to the snake farm, baby!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/welcome-to-the-snake-farm-baby.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.309</id>

    <published>2010-06-21T09:07:11Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-23T17:50:16Z</updated>

    <summary>The time has come to stake out some territory here: the space within which I write my fiction, the sensibilities that inform my characters, the ideas that underpin my current project.No, really. I&apos;ve got this whole Thing™ going on. Aren&apos;t...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[<i>The time has come to stake out some territory here: the space within which I write my fiction, the sensibilities that inform my characters, the ideas that underpin my current project.<br /><br />No, really. I've got this whole Thing™ going on. Aren't you just <b>thrilled</b>? I know I am.<br /><br />For those who will find this all too long, pedantic, and dull, I'll have a short, pedantic and dull summary of all three parts in a few days.&nbsp; </i><br /><br /><font style="font-size: 1.5625em;"><u><b>Part One: Transgression<br /></b></u></font><br /><blockquote><font style="font-size: 1.25em;"><b>transgression:</b></font><br /><br />1426, from O.Fr. <i>transgression </i>(12c.), from L.L. <i>transgressionem </i>(nom. <i>transgressio</i>) "a transgression of the law," from L. "a going over," from <i>transgressus</i>, pp. of <i>transgredi </i>"go beyond," from <i>trans</i>- "across" + <i>gradi </i>(pp. gressus) "to walk, go" (see <i>grade</i>). The verb <i>transgress </i>is recorded from 1526. <i>Transgressor </i>is first recorded 1377.<br /></blockquote><br /><span class="mt-enclosure mt-enclosure-image" style="display: inline;"><img alt="bellcurve.jpg" src="http://www.writebastard.com/images/bellcurve.jpg" class="mt-image-left" style="float: left; margin: 0pt 20px 20px 0pt;" height="113" width="200" /></span>Normalcy is a primate thing. Get too weird and the troop will kick the crap out of you and run you off, to fend for yourself and forage for your own berries. If you've got behavioral or intellectual proclivities that put you at either end of the bell curve, you&#8217;ve got two conventional social choices: hide them from everyone, or find other people who live at or near the same end of the distribution. That&#8217;s it. Both choices serve the same purpose. The first normalizes via concealment. The second normalizes via association.<br /><br />Most of us know what hiding looks like. It&#8217;s the closet. The pleasure wrapped with guilt. The deep dark secret that gnaws at us. In our media-saturated culture, we see the consequences of exposure almost every day. The Congressman whose pages did a bit more than coffee runs and filing. The evangelist who swears he only paid for massages from that nice young man. We also see what happens to those who are pulled from hiding: shame, ridicule, jail...even death.<br /><br />The second choice--finding your kindred at the narrow end of the distribution--seems a better solution. You gather with other people who share your particular brand of quirk, and you've got a troop that makes the primate bits of your brain happy. There's support, and acceptance, and all of those other warm and fuzzy things that make us feel safe and content while we loll in the sun and poke sticks into termite nests for a tasty snack.<br /><br />A <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tolian_Soran">wise villain</a> who killed Captain Kirk once said, "Normal is what everyone else is and you are not." That was supposed to be evil and oppressive and make us feel bad for Geordi LaForge, but in point of fact it's the truth. If you're into getting wrapped up in latex, hog-tied, hung from an eyebolt screwed into a dungeon's ceiling joist, and flagellated by dwarves, you're not usual, not ordinary, and certainly not normal.<br /><br />And there's not a damn thing wrong with that.<br /><br />When you find yourself a group of dangling latex-wrapped hog-tied whipping boys or girls to hang out with, what you've done is stack your local deck with people like you. You've created a little bubble of normal, but that bubble remains aberrant within greater society. The normality is an illusion, and if you happen to find yourself outside of that bubble, thou art Freak once more.<br /><br />There's a phenomenon of justification that often finds expression in such bubbles which, I think, hints at an underlying problem of self-acceptance. There seems to be a need to make certain things acceptable by trying to shoehorn them into some existing form of social normalcy. A popular example these days: "Homosexuality is okay because it's biologically determined." But that's <i>not </i>why it's okay. Because the Jesus Jumpers have framed it as chosen sin, they've forced many of the sane among us into a rhetorical corner, where "choice" is equated with "unnatural" and is therefore evil. God forbid someone should do something simply because it feels good and right, instead of being compelled to do it because their DNA has been coiled up in a certain way.<br /><br />This is the root of the problem. There are plenty of people who believe that God has, in fact, forbidden that very thing. "Transgression," in modern parlance, carries with it more than a hint of sin and the overwhelming connotation of violation--of moral codes, of law, and so on. That's why I began this with the word's etymology rather than its definition. It's the Latin root that is of greatest interest: <i>transgredi</i>, to "go beyond." The word, for me, has to do with identifying boundaries and moving beyond them. <br /><br />Pushing boundaries is exciting. But people in all sorts of situations back away from that, seeking safety in numbers or in rationalizations. There's nothing wrong with seeking community; far from it. But first?<br /><br />Make no apologies. Adopt no bluster. Offer no excuses.<br /><br />Normalize yourself, by yourself, with yourself.<br /><br /><b>Next:</b> <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/part-two-boundariesas-an-idea.html">Friendship and Love</a><br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>What do I feel like communicating to my vast readership?</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/what-do-i-feel-like-communicat.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.307</id>

    <published>2010-06-17T02:34:36Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-17T17:14:36Z</updated>

    <summary>I am up to my ass in Cher and drag queens, that&apos;s what.This&apos;d be a bit easier if I was in a place with a scene or twelve, you know, like San Francisco or New York or Austin, but I&apos;m...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[I am up to my ass in Cher and drag queens, that's what.<br /><br />This'd be a bit easier if I was in a place with a scene or twelve, you know, like San Francisco or New York or Austin, but I'm not, so I can't just pop downtown and get me some juice, I have to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Wigstock-Movie-RuPaul/dp/B00008R9KH/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=dvd&amp;qid=1276745984&amp;sr=8-1">import it</a> on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Paris-Burning-Carmen-Brooke/dp/B0009UZGM8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=dvd&amp;qid=1276746009&amp;sr=1-1">shiny discs</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cher-Farewell-Tour/dp/B00009V7PJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=dvd&amp;qid=1276746035&amp;sr=1-1">beam it</a> through the plasma screen at my face.<br /><br />And that's just not the same.<br /><br />It lends a sort of claustrophobic air to this space--at least, it seems that way to me--unlike&nbsp; wunderkammers such as <a href="http://www.angeliska.com/">Angeliska's</a> or maybe <a href="http://www.forgottenobjects.com/">here</a>. I think I need to head north soon, to the city by the Bay with the sparkling sidewalks, just for a few days. Batteries are running low, and it's tough to conjure up the fabulous energy needed to display wildly plumaged people with their sequins and wigs.<br /><br />Gotta get more juice, yes. Must have more juice.<br /><br />Juice is the stuff that lubricates wordflow, keeps the visions of the worldlet inside the head crystalline and sharp, provides the people in it with souls and imbues their lives with meaning. No juice means no flow, and it's a precarious way to be, a slow motion careening down a mountainside road with rubber guard rails and rockfalls of Nerf. That is to say: no real threat, there, no energy imparted by risk.<br /><br />Gotta get the juice.<br /><br />At the same time, the need to get the juice is in fact the first stage of its getting, because the need is will, and without will there's no intention, and without intention there's no magic. That arcane stuff is all about the turning of thinking into doing, so it stands to reason that before you wreak change upon the world you've got to get your thoughtforms into some kind of order, haven't you, form your intention, maybe with a bit of a chant and the scribbling of a sigil, but before you can even do that you've got to have desire. <i>Move me from this place to that</i>.<br /><br />More juice for me.<br /><br />Juice is ephemeral yet rock-splitting, like water. A couple of drops or a steady flow will whet your mind, but when the pressure's on and violent it'll burst your mortar asunder and scatter your stonework into the lower fields. Focus can take a small flow and increase its pressure, like a water knife, but in the absence of focus you can work with sheer volume. That's what I'm looking for: a great tower full of the stuff, enough for glorious and messy bursting. <i>Mmmmm</i>.<br /><br />Juice.<br /> ]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Don&apos;t shirk the work</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/whats-it-all-about.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.306</id>

    <published>2010-06-08T13:28:20Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-12T00:18:17Z</updated>

    <summary>To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[<span class="mt-enclosure mt-enclosure-image" style="display: inline;"><img alt="cher.jpg" src="http://www.writebastard.com/images/cher.jpg" class="mt-image-left" style="margin: 0pt 20px 20px 0pt; float: left;" height="334" width="200" /></span><blockquote>To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To 
condense 
  the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a 
single 
  sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by 
itself...Anybody 
  can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a
 quire 
  of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering 
paragraph.<br /><br /><div align="right">Mark Twain,<br />in a letter to Emeline Beach<br />10 Feb 1868<br /></div></blockquote>That quote is the source of the Writebastard tagline, <i>Squandering quires in pursuit of glitter</i>. My interpretation is that yes, quires will be squandered...but you, dear reader, will never see them. They end up in the wastebasket, discarded as part of the process that produces that singular, shining paragraph. Fortunately, I tend to write with a certain efficiency, so I'm not throwing out a dozen pages for every decent page I produce. The tagline is more about a willingness to work hard and discard much of that work if necessary. Just because it's been written doesn't mean it goes in the book. Getting too attached to one's words is the path of madness and nasty fights with editors. (Except dialogue. Nobody messes with my dialogue.)<br /><br />While discussing his role as Eomer in <i>The Lord of the Rings</i>, Karl Urban talks about how one of the things he appreciates about being an actor is the opportunity to acquire new skills, like sword fighting and horseback riding. As a writer, I get to acquire cool new knowledge of things like Georgian architecture, turn-of-the-century estates of the Hamptons...and Cher. <br /><br />Now, Cher is not as cool as sword fighting. Or horseback riding. Or...well, a lot of things. But there's a reason I have to delve into her life and work. A long time ago, when I started working on this tale, one of the male characters was a weekend Cher impersonator. If you know anything about the drag scene, you'll know that it's well-populated by people who know just <i>everything</i> there is to know about their divas, and view their lives through the often tragic prisms of their chosen heroines' hagiographies. I knew that in order to pull that sort of character off, I'd need to do the requisite research. And I'll admit it: I chickened out. I lopped the Cher impersonator portion off of the character because I didn't want to sit through the movies and the <i>Sonny and Cher</i> show, read the books, and listen to the albums.<br /><br />Here's how I've paid for that laziness: the character became one of those empty cyphers I wrote about <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/its-quiet-too-quiet.html">over the weekend</a>. He's got no life to him, and in a world full of sparkling people, he's dull. He doesn't fit. For 187 pages he's been moving along, doing what's required, but sullenly, without much vigor, because I took away his feathers and his sequins and dressed him in plain leather. Everyone in the book is fabulous but him, which is a serious problem because he's <b>one of the central characters</b>. Even though he's not the narrator, the bulk of the plot flows from his conflicts.<br /><br />I won't say I've squandered quires on this fellow, but I will have to rewrite every appearance he's made, which means the original versions of those appearances go into the trash. What Twain said is as true of characterization as it is of words, sentences, and paragraphs: I'll be poring through biographies and other media, not to produce lengthy descriptions of my character and his actions, but to capture and present a handful of telling details. A gesture, a line of dialogue, a narrative comment about personality. The point of the research is <i>distillation</i>, not volume.<br /><br />So, the lesson has been learned: do not make artistic decisions based on
 the desire to avoid work--and believe me, watching 1969's Sonny 
Bono-penned <i>Chastity </i>is going to be work. The reward? A fully-realized character, along with a slight uptick in my groovy kitsch quotient.<br /><br /><i><br />Thanks to <a href="http://www.thealkemist.org/">Kevin</a> for the stylin' rhyming title of this post.</i><br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>It&apos;s quiet. Too quiet.</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/its-quiet-too-quiet.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.305</id>

    <published>2010-06-07T03:25:17Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-07T04:17:45Z</updated>

    <summary>And not the fun kind of jungle quiet that happens just before the local natives burst through the bushes to cut your head off and steal your iPad. No, I&apos;m talking about the kind of quiet that indicates a lack...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[And not the fun kind of jungle quiet that happens just before the local natives burst through the bushes to cut your head off and steal your iPad. No, I'm talking about the kind of quiet that indicates a lack of activity, the sort of silence that replaces the raucous noise of clattering keyboards and the spilling of vast new rivers of pixelink onto the virtual manuscript page. <i>That</i> kind of quiet.<br /><br />I could blame hubris, I suppose. I was all, <i>Look! I'm almost done, clever me!</i> and we all know how the gods love to <i><b>fuck</b></i> with people in that sort of state, don't we? Stupid gods. But! That would be wrong, because I never crossed into that whole <i>Behold, I am a <b>jay</b>-nee-us!</i> realm of preening satisfaction with my own talents. <br /><br />No, I've got a peculiar mix of malaise and a keen desire, not to finish the thing, but to revise what I've written already, and I know exactly whence cometh that desire, all draped as it is with the Fear of Suckage.<br /><br />The smaller issue: so much changed while I was in the process of writing the first 180 pages or so that the last few chapters won't make any damn sense until I've drawn the new stuff back through the old stuff to complete the illusion that that's what I meant all along. So I'm anxious to make those changes, and I'm doing that by re-typing the manuscript back into the computer, revising and adding as I go. (At one point <a href="http://www.writebastard.com/2009/11/digging-out.html">I intended to do this on a 1946 Royal Arrow</a>, but that's because I was insane.) <br /><br />Then there's the slightly larger issue: I've got a couple of characters who have stubbornly remained cyphers throughout the whole process. Cyphers are fine, but only if you've created them on purpose. Accidental cyphers are the result of poorly-developed characters, and that's a bad thing, especially when the characters have significant roles to play. So while I've been lying awake at night with the lights off, I've been trying to crack that particular problem.<br /><br />And, while trying to crack that problem--or, more accurately, problems, because there are in fact two inadvertent cyphers who need illumination and resolution--other problems presented themselves. These problems are world-level: I've got two major societal changes in play, a certain number of decades from now to work with, and I suspect that realistically I haven't got time enough to realize one change, and too much time for the other change to play out as I've portrayed it.<br /><br />That's an icky feeling: <i>whoops. My world is broken</i>.<br /><br />It'll all work out, of course, because that's what you do when confronted with problems in a creative project that you're quite certain you'll finish. I've long since adopted the attitude that I really haven't got any choice, the tale <i>will</i> be told, and that any difficulties I encounter in the telling are part of my journeyman's education in Getting It Done, and that, <i>furthermore</i>, once I've dealt with these problems I'll have gained the knowledge needed to mitigate similar problems or eliminate them entirely from my next project.<br /><br />And that, it seems to me, is the attitudinal key to creative progress.<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>&apos;Kay, I&apos;ve got one!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/kay-ive-got-one.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.304</id>

    <published>2010-06-04T03:16:19Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-04T03:31:19Z</updated>

    <summary>A massive yet readable post of unparalleled genius that clearly and concisely explains all kinds of fantastic and wonderful ideas about just why it is that the world is the way it is and why the people in it do...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.writebastard.com/">
        <![CDATA[A massive yet readable post of unparalleled genius that clearly and concisely explains all kinds of fantastic and wonderful ideas about just why it is that the world is the way it is and why the people in it do what they do plus an extra added bonus bit that ties body modification and deviant sex acts into the resolution of all wars the elimination of disease putting a base on Mars and bringing back the wax cups that Dannon yogurt used to come in because it was better back then and so were Pop Tarts <i>while simultaneously</i> explaining how we can wean ourselves off of fossil fuels in 180 days and eliminate all forms of prejudice through the public funding of pornography and the mass distribution of teledildonic technology which in turn will result in the elevation of people who actually know what they're doing to high political office in place of the empty skinjobs currently lurking in the halls of Congress and beneath the floorboards of the White House <i>as well as</i> the spontaneous combustion of the sociopathic inhabitants of corporate boardrooms across the planet.<br /><br />Afterwards, there will be cake.<br /><br />Because cake is good, and we deserve some.<br />]]>
        
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>It&apos;s important to keep good records</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.writebastard.com/2010/06/its-important-to-keep-good-rec.html" />
    <id>tag:www.writebastard.com,2010://1.303</id>

    <published>2010-06-02T02:37:37Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-02T02:44:54Z</updated>

    <summary>This man Billy Fidget, he was an acquaintance of mine from back east. Had a lot of good stories in him, so I set a recorder going when we&apos;d be drinking beer and such. One July, we&apos;re having some Steel...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ian Wood</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
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        <![CDATA[This man Billy Fidget, he was an acquaintance of mine from back east. Had a lot of good stories in him, so I set a recorder going when we'd be drinking beer and such. One July, we're having some Steel Reserve--terrible stuff--and he says: <br /><br /><blockquote>"So, one time I was preachin' in a church in New Brunswick... sorta like a guest appearance, 'cause it wasn't my church, 'cause I ain't got no church. Pastor picked me up at a shelter 'cause he said God told him to, and that does happen to me from time to time, so I went and stayed with him and his family for awhile, and he was moved to put me before the congregation. For him it was an act of faith, but for me it was a summons, you know? <br /><br />So I'm up on the little stage they got, with the drumkit and the little choir behind me in their robes, and I'm preachin' the word or the Word is comin' forth, that's a better way of speakin' of it, and they all hip to it like only a gospel church can be hip to it, and that's a fine feeling like closing an electric circuit full of power in your soul. <br /><br />I was getting my God on, groovin' to the prophet beat. Then this big, fat mama--I mean, she like three hundred pounds not includin' her hat, that's another twenty, easy--this mama, she jump up like she on fire, and she charges the pulpit, and man, she snarlin', she got foam at the mouth and her eyes all rolled back white in her head, and she comin' at me like a freight train dressed for church.<br /><br />So I step on up, and my arm ramrods, palm out--'cause I know what this is about--and I'm all casting out in the name of the Lord and whatnot, with the power in my throat like golden honey, and when that 320 pounds'a demon-possessed mama hits my hand her hat hits me in the face and she bounces back like I'm a brick wall and she's made'a twigs. Drops flat on her back, laid out with her big arms over her head, quiet like a chastised child, eyes all closed.<br /><br />Later, Pastor says to me, "You know, Hettie does that about once a month. Takes all the deacons to get her back in her seat, make her take her meds."<br /><br />I say, "She won't no more."<br /><br />Next time I pass through Jersey--'bout two years on-- I stop in at that church, just sittin' at the back, 'cause you know visitors is always welcome at a true House of God. And there she is--or, half of her, anyway. Up on the stage with the choir, singing the praises, about 150 pounds lighter. Over a fine supper Pastor says she back with her husband and her kids and the whole family's been healed, with a new child on the way.<br /><br />And that's why, whenever I get picked up and tossed in the State Bin for preachin' where I oughtn't or prophesyin' too loudly in the train station or runnin' naked in the park with the Lord, they always have to stick me with a needle to get whatever drug they pushin' into me, and use two big nurses to do it, too. <br /><br />I know who my Psychiatrist is."<br /></blockquote><br />Queer cat, Billy Fidget, but a good soul.<br />]]>
        
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